MY REAL FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS FOR YOU
When I wake up, the first thing I think about, is you. I get up and look at myself, but I see you, calling me cute and beautiful.
I walk to my washroom, brush my teeth and cleanse my face, but I feel you, your kiss against my minty fresh breath, and your hands on my naked clean skin.
I sit down on the chair in my dining room , remembering all the places I used to sit with you. Whether it's at a park, library, grass, or street.
My mom brings me my pre made breakfast, and all I remember is how I want you to wake up to my cooked ham and egg breakfast.
Once again, I head back to the washroom to brush my teeth.
I head to my room to get changed, and I look at my closet. My clothes. I remember how I used to spend 15 minutes making sure I would look good for you because I knew I was seeing you later in the day.
After deciding what to wear, I hear the car honk meaning it's time to go to school.
I grab my backpack and once again, remembering how you used to hold my books when my bag got too heavy.
I leave the house and enter my moms car. I look over at my mom as she is behind the steering wheel. I don't want my mom to be the one behind the steering wheel. I want you to be behind it, when we are going places like you promised. I want it to be you while you are either dropping me off at school, work, or even if we're just going for a late night drive. With one hand on the wheel and one hand on my thigh.
My mom drops me off at school, and I still remember the fence next to the stair case, where you were supposed to get a hair cut on that day. You didn't want me to leave and you wanted me to wait for you. Since I had to leave, you ended up wanting a kiss. I wanted to give you a short quick kiss, but when my lips met yours, I fell deep. I craved your kiss and we ended up kissing for a while until I pulled away because I didn't want you to be late.
Anyways, lunch comes around, and I still remember when you promised me how you were going to visit me during the weekdays if you didn't have school. You were going to pick me up for lunch and we could get drive thru.
Throughout all my classes, I still remember how I wanted to meet up at a library and study with you. You motivated me to do well in school and a part of me wanted you to be sitting across from me. I wanted you to tutor me because you were so damn smart, which made me fall harder. Damn how lucky was I.
I would walk home from school, at the regular usual route, underneath the sky train. I still remember how you would take the bus/sky train all the way to Renfrew for me. Thank you. I remember walking under, holding your hand, smiling, laughing, and just talking about anything that came into our minds. You would sneak looks at me, and I would sneak looks at you. When I looked at you, I saw the world.
Anyways, I'd get home, set my books down and start on my homework. But something was missing. My laptop used to be set up as I would wait and be ready to take your video chat call. I wanted to see your face. Feel your presence. I still remember video calling till 12 or 1 in the morning. We'd both have to turn off our computers and hang up. So we did but either I would call you or you would call me and we'd have our headphones in, listening to each others breathing and snoring. I loved hearing you breath, snore, and moan when you stretched. I don't know if you know this Manjur, but when you are sleeping, and I wake up in the middle of the night, I would whisper "I love you." so much. So many times. I don't know if you ever heard me, but god I loved you. I still do.
Do you still remember, when I used to wake up and you would play your songs and I'd listen to them. I admire your taste in music, clothing style, and just everything about you seemed so perfect.
You soon became bitter, cold, and distant. You said you were going to make changes and give me more time, effort, attention, and love. But you never did. And I never once got mad. I didn't care. I thought you were happy. I was happy. So happy. Every single second of the day, I could feel myself falling for you.
I thought that we were going to have a long history. I wanted to be that couple who had love so strong, that no matter how far or how many fights we got in, we'd find our way back to each other. Because I know that even if 10 years from now, if you decided to come back into my life, I would gladly accept with wide open arms. Because I truly do love you. You've broken my heart, trust, and promises, but I didn't care. Because no matter what you do or how badly you treat me, I always convince myself that that's not you. That you aren't the person you are portraying yourself as. I believed in a better you.
You are going to University of Victoria next year, and even if that was 3 hours away from here, if you needed me, I'd go straight to the ferries, and I'd go all the way there to help you. to comfort you. To love you. I didn't care if I was going to miss a few days or a few weeks of school. If you were going through depression or if you were struggling with yourself or school. I'd be there for you. I wanted to be the one you could run to if you were sad, happy, mad, struggling, crying, laughing, smiling. I wanted to be there for you through thick or thin, good or bad. I wanted to be the one for you, because I know damn well that you are the one for me.
When you broke up with me, I cried so hard. So bad. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I lost a half of me. I lost 40 hours of sleep and I didn't eat for 3 days. I had no appetite. Maybe I was just being dramatic or maybe I was just taking things too seriously and to heart. Maybe this is my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have fallen for you. Maybe if I could turn back time, I would change what I said, done, or felt. Maybe right now, I wouldn't have to write this and be feeling like the way I am.
No matter how many times I convince and tell myself that you aren't worth my time and how I deserve better. I will always go back to you. You wouldn't have to beg me to come back. You wouldn't have to crawl. You wouldn't even have to question or hesitate to ask me if I wanted to be back with you. I would take you back in a heart beat. Call me crazy and emotionally unstable all you want. But when it comes to things I love and things I care about, I put my all. And that's what I did with you. I put my all. Manjur, I am so lucky to have you in my life. or had you in my life. I just want to be talking to you. Seeing you with other girls or knowing that you are moving on , hurts me. It kills me. I don't know what to do. Every second of the day, I think about you and I wonder whether you are going to come back into my life. I don't know how you feel or what you want. I don't even know if you have feelings for me still.
You told me what happened with your ex, and honestly, that was a horrible thing. I was very upset and sad because you didn't deserve that. You deserved the world because you are a good person. You got your heart and trust taken away and you needed it back, and I was willing to give you mine, even if that meant it would hurt me. I swear, I'm the type of person to give you a kidney if you needed it no matter how badly you treated me. Because I feel that your happiness is put before mine.
You treated me like crap, and I didn't care. I didn't care that it hurt me. All I cared about was you. YOU are always on my mind and I don't know how to get you off. It hurt me when I found out what you were doing when you said you needed "time" and "space" to think about what you wanted. I thought that you were actually taking time to sit down and think about what you wanted. But you decided to do something else.. and I was mad. I am mad. But god how I still love you. I could plan all the things and thoughts I want to say to you. I want to yell at you and cuss at you, but I know if I came face to face with you, I wouldn't dare do that. I would tell you I love you and how i want to be with you.
You are probably moving on or you probably moved on already. I don't know. But I wish I knew. I wish I could tell the future and see if we had anything. And if we do, I'll wait. And if we don't, there's still that small corner in my heart where it'll always be open for you if you ever decide to come back.
I don't see you as my shitty ex. I see you as my ex. No positive, no negative.
I still have pictures of us on my phone in a secret folder because I know I'm never going to be able to let go. But hey, Manjur, if you are reading this. I want you to know that you are considered my first love. You are the one person that I will never forget no matter how hard I try. You are the one person that I would give endless chances to because even if you don't deserve it, I would give it you. Why? Because I care and love you way too much. Is that a good or bad thing? I don't know. But please Manjur, if you are reading this, please let me know how you really feel and what you want. And if you don't like me at all and you see nothing with me, let me know. I'll still like you always. I'll still love you always. And you know that love is a really hard and sensitive word for me. I don't say I love someone unless I really do. And with you, I do. Yes call me dramatic and psychotic, i don't care. I just want to get my message out.
And thank you to whoever made it to here. I'm actually surprised someone could read up to here with all my bullshit and feelings ahaha. But thank you and I love you Manjur. i wish you the best and i hope you have a bright future ahead of you because you work so hard and you deserve the whole world. and even though im not the one giving it you, if you are happy with her, then I am happy too. I love you forever and always.
SOURCE BY-TIFFANY WONG
PUBLISHED BY-OURHELLO.COM
When I wake up, the first thing I think about, is you. I get up and look at myself, but I see you, calling me cute and beautiful.
I walk to my washroom, brush my teeth and cleanse my face, but I feel you, your kiss against my minty fresh breath, and your hands on my naked clean skin.
I sit down on the chair in my dining room , remembering all the places I used to sit with you. Whether it's at a park, library, grass, or street.
My mom brings me my pre made breakfast, and all I remember is how I want you to wake up to my cooked ham and egg breakfast.
Once again, I head back to the washroom to brush my teeth.
I head to my room to get changed, and I look at my closet. My clothes. I remember how I used to spend 15 minutes making sure I would look good for you because I knew I was seeing you later in the day.
After deciding what to wear, I hear the car honk meaning it's time to go to school.
I grab my backpack and once again, remembering how you used to hold my books when my bag got too heavy.
I leave the house and enter my moms car. I look over at my mom as she is behind the steering wheel. I don't want my mom to be the one behind the steering wheel. I want you to be behind it, when we are going places like you promised. I want it to be you while you are either dropping me off at school, work, or even if we're just going for a late night drive. With one hand on the wheel and one hand on my thigh.
My mom drops me off at school, and I still remember the fence next to the stair case, where you were supposed to get a hair cut on that day. You didn't want me to leave and you wanted me to wait for you. Since I had to leave, you ended up wanting a kiss. I wanted to give you a short quick kiss, but when my lips met yours, I fell deep. I craved your kiss and we ended up kissing for a while until I pulled away because I didn't want you to be late.
Anyways, lunch comes around, and I still remember when you promised me how you were going to visit me during the weekdays if you didn't have school. You were going to pick me up for lunch and we could get drive thru.
Throughout all my classes, I still remember how I wanted to meet up at a library and study with you. You motivated me to do well in school and a part of me wanted you to be sitting across from me. I wanted you to tutor me because you were so damn smart, which made me fall harder. Damn how lucky was I.
I would walk home from school, at the regular usual route, underneath the sky train. I still remember how you would take the bus/sky train all the way to Renfrew for me. Thank you. I remember walking under, holding your hand, smiling, laughing, and just talking about anything that came into our minds. You would sneak looks at me, and I would sneak looks at you. When I looked at you, I saw the world.
Anyways, I'd get home, set my books down and start on my homework. But something was missing. My laptop used to be set up as I would wait and be ready to take your video chat call. I wanted to see your face. Feel your presence. I still remember video calling till 12 or 1 in the morning. We'd both have to turn off our computers and hang up. So we did but either I would call you or you would call me and we'd have our headphones in, listening to each others breathing and snoring. I loved hearing you breath, snore, and moan when you stretched. I don't know if you know this Manjur, but when you are sleeping, and I wake up in the middle of the night, I would whisper "I love you." so much. So many times. I don't know if you ever heard me, but god I loved you. I still do.
Do you still remember, when I used to wake up and you would play your songs and I'd listen to them. I admire your taste in music, clothing style, and just everything about you seemed so perfect.
You soon became bitter, cold, and distant. You said you were going to make changes and give me more time, effort, attention, and love. But you never did. And I never once got mad. I didn't care. I thought you were happy. I was happy. So happy. Every single second of the day, I could feel myself falling for you.
I thought that we were going to have a long history. I wanted to be that couple who had love so strong, that no matter how far or how many fights we got in, we'd find our way back to each other. Because I know that even if 10 years from now, if you decided to come back into my life, I would gladly accept with wide open arms. Because I truly do love you. You've broken my heart, trust, and promises, but I didn't care. Because no matter what you do or how badly you treat me, I always convince myself that that's not you. That you aren't the person you are portraying yourself as. I believed in a better you.
You are going to University of Victoria next year, and even if that was 3 hours away from here, if you needed me, I'd go straight to the ferries, and I'd go all the way there to help you. to comfort you. To love you. I didn't care if I was going to miss a few days or a few weeks of school. If you were going through depression or if you were struggling with yourself or school. I'd be there for you. I wanted to be the one you could run to if you were sad, happy, mad, struggling, crying, laughing, smiling. I wanted to be there for you through thick or thin, good or bad. I wanted to be the one for you, because I know damn well that you are the one for me.
When you broke up with me, I cried so hard. So bad. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I lost a half of me. I lost 40 hours of sleep and I didn't eat for 3 days. I had no appetite. Maybe I was just being dramatic or maybe I was just taking things too seriously and to heart. Maybe this is my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have fallen for you. Maybe if I could turn back time, I would change what I said, done, or felt. Maybe right now, I wouldn't have to write this and be feeling like the way I am.
No matter how many times I convince and tell myself that you aren't worth my time and how I deserve better. I will always go back to you. You wouldn't have to beg me to come back. You wouldn't have to crawl. You wouldn't even have to question or hesitate to ask me if I wanted to be back with you. I would take you back in a heart beat. Call me crazy and emotionally unstable all you want. But when it comes to things I love and things I care about, I put my all. And that's what I did with you. I put my all. Manjur, I am so lucky to have you in my life. or had you in my life. I just want to be talking to you. Seeing you with other girls or knowing that you are moving on , hurts me. It kills me. I don't know what to do. Every second of the day, I think about you and I wonder whether you are going to come back into my life. I don't know how you feel or what you want. I don't even know if you have feelings for me still.
You told me what happened with your ex, and honestly, that was a horrible thing. I was very upset and sad because you didn't deserve that. You deserved the world because you are a good person. You got your heart and trust taken away and you needed it back, and I was willing to give you mine, even if that meant it would hurt me. I swear, I'm the type of person to give you a kidney if you needed it no matter how badly you treated me. Because I feel that your happiness is put before mine.
You treated me like crap, and I didn't care. I didn't care that it hurt me. All I cared about was you. YOU are always on my mind and I don't know how to get you off. It hurt me when I found out what you were doing when you said you needed "time" and "space" to think about what you wanted. I thought that you were actually taking time to sit down and think about what you wanted. But you decided to do something else.. and I was mad. I am mad. But god how I still love you. I could plan all the things and thoughts I want to say to you. I want to yell at you and cuss at you, but I know if I came face to face with you, I wouldn't dare do that. I would tell you I love you and how i want to be with you.
You are probably moving on or you probably moved on already. I don't know. But I wish I knew. I wish I could tell the future and see if we had anything. And if we do, I'll wait. And if we don't, there's still that small corner in my heart where it'll always be open for you if you ever decide to come back.
I don't see you as my shitty ex. I see you as my ex. No positive, no negative.
I still have pictures of us on my phone in a secret folder because I know I'm never going to be able to let go. But hey, Manjur, if you are reading this. I want you to know that you are considered my first love. You are the one person that I will never forget no matter how hard I try. You are the one person that I would give endless chances to because even if you don't deserve it, I would give it you. Why? Because I care and love you way too much. Is that a good or bad thing? I don't know. But please Manjur, if you are reading this, please let me know how you really feel and what you want. And if you don't like me at all and you see nothing with me, let me know. I'll still like you always. I'll still love you always. And you know that love is a really hard and sensitive word for me. I don't say I love someone unless I really do. And with you, I do. Yes call me dramatic and psychotic, i don't care. I just want to get my message out.
And thank you to whoever made it to here. I'm actually surprised someone could read up to here with all my bullshit and feelings ahaha. But thank you and I love you Manjur. i wish you the best and i hope you have a bright future ahead of you because you work so hard and you deserve the whole world. and even though im not the one giving it you, if you are happy with her, then I am happy too. I love you forever and always.
SOURCE BY-TIFFANY WONG
PUBLISHED BY-OURHELLO.COM
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